I’ve found a way to stop vaping in the bath! I’m back on the fags

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Narrated by James Marriott

You might struggle to see what Kate Moss and I have in common. The parallels are thin. She was recently dating somebody 13 years younger than her with the ominous surname “von Bismarck”. Google him: the apple fell quite far from the Prussian tree, didn’t it? I am single. Kate ornaments magazine covers; I write some things that go inside them. Kate is the face of Diet Coke; I recycle Diet Coke cans. Actually, one point of symmetry does emerge: we both have great legs. Scandalously Kate has reaped far greater rewards from society than I have for my pins.

But the distance between us grows. After at least three nicotine-stained decades, a period when she was described as “the greatest smoker of all time”,